How to be a more effective communicator
You know that experience of when you are traveling from A to B, only to get to B and wonder where the journey went and that you were absent for pretty much the entire time?
Well, the same is often applied to listening as well. I'm sure you've experienced the situation where you've been in a conversation physically, but mentally you were off someplace else, perhaps daydreaming, or at the very least not giving your conversation partner your full and undivided attention. You've probably also been caught out while doing so on more than a few occasions and occurred the displeasure of our partner or whoever it was that was talking to us, even if they didn't verbally express it.
You've probably also found it quite annoying when the shoe has been on the other foot and we've been on the receiving end of someone zoning out while we are the one doing the talking.
So how can we become more mindful and effective listeners?
Steps to Mindful Listening
Direct your attention to the speaker
First of all, try really paying attention to the other person's voice - notice their intonation, their word choice, the volume. By doing so you're paying attention to more than just the words themselves, which we sometimes don't pay much attention to anyway.
Don't use the time that the other person is talking as merely an opportunity to start mentally rehearsing what you want to say next.
Don't use a phone or other gadget at the same time. Honor the other person by actually giving them your attention. If you look around when you are in a coffee shop, or some other place where people are talking, you'll see people carrying on conversations while having their heads struck in their phone or tablet. How much of their attention are they really giving the other person? Do they really care? The more people do this, the more they get used to doing so, and slowly, conversation-by-conversation, the quality of communication gets eroded. It can be difficult enough at times to maintain harmonious relationships with people even when our attention is fully engaged with them.
Be curious about the other person is saying, what might start off as a seemingly humdrum conversation could potentially turnout to be quite interesting and insightful. It may not, but don't assume that it will remain 'uninteresting '.
“Multitasking is a barrier to effective communication.”
Resist the temptation to cut in and give your opinion. Of course there's always some to-and-fro in any conversation, but don't try to cut in just to give an opinion for the sake of it, rather than to add some-thing to the conversation.
Remember that the more carefully you listen to someone, the more likely they are to listen carefully to you, and everyone appreciates a good listener.